She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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