woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
