Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Randomize
