TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
