I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i dont even know how to be here
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
