ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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