They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Church boner. Awkwardddd
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
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