4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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