I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
