Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
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just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
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In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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