bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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