Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
