so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I just gift wrapped bread.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Sorry my hands just texted you
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
