Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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