can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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