You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
