what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
