Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
