I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
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