Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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