Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I AM VODKA MAN
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
