I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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