she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
So vagazzling was a success
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
