Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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