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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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