I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
