Heybabeimwearingurpanties
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
