Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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