He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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