I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
