she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
