Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
