I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
