Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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