you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
