The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
