Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
