Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
where are my eyebrows?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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