We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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