Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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