and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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