cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
