I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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