I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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