i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
50% drunk capacity currently
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
