Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Randomize
