My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
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