I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
