The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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