garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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