He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
