I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
even my farts smell like vagina
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
