Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
