i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
