My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize