Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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