I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
