dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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