She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
