yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
