His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
