I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I want to make a zoo with you.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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