census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
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