drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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