two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
