i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
operation have a gay friend backfired
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
