Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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