'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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