I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
