I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
This is classic penis vs brain.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
