My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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