There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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