I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I think I won the penis lottery.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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