Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
