I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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