She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
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