My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
