im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
they need to just BURY HIM!
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
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Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
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It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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