I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
