you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
