dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Who the fuck stole my fridge again