my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.