Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.