Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.