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apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
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