just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face