Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.