I love you!
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then